War of the Trench Coats
by Padmejem
Summary: Poor Seto. His wardrobe has gone missing. Will he be doomed to spend the rest of his days in White poodle pajamas? Or will he wear Bakura's itchy woolly jumper? (Insanity Fic)
1. Poodle Pajamas

War of the Trench coats  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Star Wars, OR Beyblades, even though I would love to, seeing as then I'd own Yami no Bakura, and Seto Kaiba... But anyway. I don't. Don't sue. Blah-blah-blah-blah. And I would like to thank Haku-chan (Hakuishatar) for letting me use her and her favourite bishounen, Malik (Not MARIK) in this fic.  
  
Chapter One  
  
Padme: -is completely bored- Seto? Have you seen the cat?  
  
Seto: -makes no reply and sulks quietly-  
  
Yami no Bakura: OI! Seto! Padme-chan just asked you a question!  
  
Seto: Why don't you answer it, then. -fiddles with pajama buttons-  
  
Haku: -pokes her head round the doorway- Hey-hey! -drags Malik in after her-  
  
Yami no Bakura: -jumps- Where the hell did you come from? And Seto, why are you still in your pajamas? Hey.nice poodles!  
  
Seto: Shuddap, Tomb robber. I can't find. -sniff- my clothes..-bursts into tears-  
  
Malik: I shall take over the world! Nyahhhhh!!  
  
Haku: Maliiiiik, were you drinking coffee again?  
  
Malik: Coffeeeee! And Chocolate Ice cream!  
  
Yami no Bakura: Oh Ra.  
  
Padme-chan: Language, koibito.  
  
Seto: I thought I was your koibito, and I WANT my TRENCH COAT!  
  
Padme-chan: Now now, Seto. Right now, you can borrow this.  
  
-hands him a off-beige woolly jumper-  
  
Bakura: Hey! That's mine! O.o  
  
Haku: Aw, but you look so much more handsome without a shirt. ^^  
  
Padme: -throws toilet rolls at Haku-chan-  
  
Malik: Stop mummifying my aibou! =o  
  
Haku: -is drowning in flower-printed toilet paper-  
  
Seto: -continues to sulk- CAN WE PLEASE FIND MY CLOTHES?  
  
Mokuba: Big brother, I think I saw your clothes.  
  
Seto: Really, Mokuba? Where?  
  
Mokuba: Nowhere! I was just tryin' tah make you feel happy, Seto.  
  
Anakin: -appears from nowhere, wearing pink bunny pajamas- BOO!  
  
Seto: -jumps three feet into the air- AAAAAIIIIEEE! It's the curs-ed pink bunnies! They've come for me! Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!  
  
Anakin: o.o Was it something I said?  
  
Kai: -runs around in a pink frock- Dinner's reeeaaaadyyy!! =DDD  
  
Haku: Giffig hib coffeh wasn't sush a bab ideh, mo? -struggles with loo roll-  
  
Malik: Can you PLEASE un-mummify her? PLEASE?  
  
Yami no Bakura: She complimented me. O.O  
  
Padme: Whatever. Kai, I think Seto needs some tranquilizer. Fetch it from The Cage, will you?  
  
Kai: Ooooh! The tran--- *voice drops rapidly * --quilizer?  
  
Anakin: Uh-Oh.Out of gas. Quick! MORE COFFEE!  
  
Will Seto Kaiba EVER find out where his wardrobe went? Will he have to spend the rest of his days in poodle dog nightwear? Will Kai get more coffee? And will Haku-chan be de-toiler-papered? Will Yami no Bakura get his jumper back?  
  
Coming in the next chapter of War of the Trench coats. 


	2. Fluffy Purple Sweaters

War of the Trench coats  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Star Wars, OR Beyblades, even though I would love to, seeing as then I'd own Yami no Bakura, and Seto Kaiba... But anyway. I don't. Don't sue. Blah-blah-blah-blah. And I would like to thank Haku-chan (Hakuishatar) for letting me use her and her favourite bishounen, Malik (Not MARIK) in this fic.  
  
***  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Marik: Unwrap my AIBOU THIS INSTANT!  
  
Seto: Rabbits! Rabbits! AAAAIIIIEEEE!  
  
Kai: What the hell is going here? And why has Anakin got a kettle on his head?  
  
Anakin: -stumbles around with a kettle full of coffee on his head- Coffeeee! Kai-kun, your coffees ready!  
  
Kai: Coffee? I don't drink coffee. ._.  
  
Anakin: -pours hot coffee into Kai's throat. Medicine administered, Padme- chan.  
  
Padme-chan: Very nice! Now, unwrap Haku, before Malik skins us alive.  
  
Anakin: YES MAM! -drops coffee all down clothes- Yaaahoooww!!!  
  
Kai: -is unconscious- @_@  
  
Malik: Finally! =D  
  
Haku: -is spun around as toilet tissue is unwrapped- x.X  
  
Seto: -is still mourning the loss of his trench coat-  
  
Mokuba: Big brother, is anyone going to find your trench coat?  
  
Seto: They'd better, or little Blue eyes White Dragon are goin' to eat them! Eeeeeat them! Muahahahahaha!  
  
Yami no Bakura: Did you feed him coffee?  
  
Padme: -shakes head- No no no.  
  
Yami no Bakura: Wow. He really must be upset.  
  
Haku: We'd better go find it, yes. Yes, Precioussss! -grabs ahold of Malik-  
  
Malik: Erm.You're suffocating meeee..-chokes-  
  
Seto: -dresses up in Padme's jeans and fluffy purple jumper- I don't care if I look like a poof! I'm going to find my cooooaaaat!  
  
Padme: Not like that you aren't. -gives him a paper bag to hide his face-  
  
Seto: I am King of the smelly paper bags! -waltzes around-  
  
Haku: .  
  
Bakura: Despite the fact I'm really liking not having a shirt..Can I borrow something, Padme?  
  
Padme: -hands him paper bag-  
  
Yami no Haku: -takes control- Sugaaaaar! Sugaaaar! I want sugaaaar!  
  
Malik: Oh lord. It's her yami. Hide the coffee! He's gone bloody mad!  
  
Yami no Haku: Shaddup. -fwapps Malik with paper bags-  
  
Malik: @_@ -collapses-  
  
Yami no Bakura: I'd better go with Seto.and I'm not goin with a paper bag!  
  
Seto: -drags Bakura by the ears- Go find wardrobe! PRECIOUSSSS! Trench coat!  
  
Yami no Bakura: Oh Ra. Not again.  
  
***  
  
-Seto and Yami no Bakura, stumble down the nearby park, unaware they are being watched-  
  
Mai: -clings to tree branch giggling- Oooh, Seto looks so kawaii in that paperbag! Anzu, where's that camera?  
  
Anzu: -falls out of tree, onto Seto head-  
  
Seto: Owwwwwaaaah!! Stupid baka oban!  
  
Mai: -hides-  
  
Yami no Bakura: -starts giggling like an idiot, and get his ear yanked- OW!  
  
Anzu: o-O' -clings to Seto for dear life-  
  
Seto: Get off meeeeee!  
  
Anzu: It's so far to the groooouuund!  
  
Seto: Too bad if you fall to your death, just get off meee!  
  
Anzu: -lets go and ends up flat on the ground- X_X  
  
Yami no Bakura: -pokes Anzu with a stick.hard- Erm, Seto.I don't think she's-  
  
Seto: Whatever.  
  
***  
  
Will Seto and Bakura get away with Anzu bashing? Will Seto have to live the rest of his days in Jeans, fluffy purple jumpers and paper bags? Find out in the next chapter.. And R&R! 


	3. The trench coat thief

War of the Trench coats  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Star Wars, OR Beyblades, even though I would love to, seeing as then I'd own Yami no Bakura, and Seto Kaiba... But anyway. I don't. Don't sue. Blah-blah-blah-blah. And I would like to thank Haku-chan (Hakuishatar) for letting me use her and her favourite bishounen, Malik (Not MARIK) in this fic.  
  
***  
  
Chapter 3  
  
---  
  
Yami no Bakura: Oh Raaa.We are going to get into so much trouble for this.  
  
Seto: I doubt bashing Anzu will have any effect on our current situation, Bakura.  
  
Yami no Bakura: Why on earth not?  
  
Seto: ..' Double fiznit.  
  
Yami no Bakura: Lets getter! =o  
  
Seto: Raaaawwwwr! -claws up the tree like a cat-  
  
Yami no Bakura: Oh my. ._o'  
  
Mai: You don't deserve a trench coat, you fashion-lacking freak!  
  
Seto: I would have fashion sense if I HAD MY BLOODY TRENCH COAT!  
  
Mai: Uh-Oh. -is pummelled by paper bags and purple fluffy jumper-  
  
Yami no Bakura: -grabs trench coat- Here yah go, Seto-kun.  
  
Seto: Trenchie!!! =DDD -glomps trench coat- Trench coat-Trench coat-Trench coat!  
  
Mai: X_X'  
  
---  
  
Seto: -prances into the room, falling over a snoring Kai-  
  
Yami no Bakura: What the hell happened to him?  
  
Yami no Haku: -has control over Haku again- I gave him Sushi!  
  
Padme: You gave HIM sushi? I want!  
  
Anakin: Padme! Calm yourself!  
  
Padme: -whacks Anakin with a frying pan and yet more paper bags- NO! Suuuushiiiii!!  
  
---  
  
So, now that Seto has his coat back, and doesn't need to wear paper bag anymore, will Padme-chan get her sushi, or will the bishies have to face her wrath? R&R! 


	4. Sushi madness

War of the Trench coats  
  
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Star Wars, OR Beyblades, even though I would love to, seeing as then I'd own Yami no Bakura, and Seto Kaiba... But anyway. I don't. Don't sue. Blah-blah-blah-blah. And I would like to thank Haku-chan (Hakuishatar) for letting me use her and her favourite bishounen, Malik (Not MARIK) in this fic. ----  
  
Chapter Four ---  
  
Seto: -watches in horror as Padme-chan goes on a rampage- Oh my.  
  
Yami no Bakura: -is knocked out amongst the fighting-  
  
Kai: -opens an eye and zips up to standing pose-  
  
Padme-chan: -thwacks Malik in the face- SUSHI!  
  
Kai: -in a shrill, happy voice- Now, now, little girlses and boyses! Play nice with other k---  
  
Padme-chan: -flails arm and hits Kai unconscious again-  
  
Seto: Anakin, grab her right arm...I'll grab her left...  
  
Anakin: Aye. -grabs arms-  
  
Padme-chan: -snarls in annoyance, frothing at the mouth-  
  
Malik: .' Muffins...throw muffins...  
  
Anakin: She knows they're harmless now, Malik-kun.  
  
Malik: Dammit.  
  
Yami no Haku: Rabid Padme! Rabid Padme! Rabid Padme! Rabi--  
  
Yami no Bakura: -thwapthwapthwap- Shuddup.  
  
Yami no Haku: I'm immune. ^^  
  
Yami no Bakura: -bitchslap-  
  
Yami no Haku: x.x  
  
Padme-chan: NOW, one of you get me sushi...before....before...I...  
  
Anakin: You're stuck for words again, aren't you?  
  
Padme-chan: Yes. ._.'  
  
Yami no Bakura: You know, we might as well, seeing as it's lunchtime. o.o  
  
Seto: Well...D'you have any money for sushi?  
  
Yami no Bakura: Nope. O.o'  
  
Seto: Foooiiiine. I'll go. Just...restrain her.  
  
----  
  
(At the Sushi bar)  
  
Seto: Ten rolls with raw tuna, a dozen with shrimp, no wasabii, and six teriyaki chicken rolls.  
  
Chef: Sorree, but we no serve chicken heres...  
  
Seto: -twitch- I hate fish....  
  
Chef: No serve chicken, sorree.  
  
Seto: You have anything else, apart from...fish? x.o  
  
Chef: California rollsah...Crabstick, egg, caviar and cucumber!  
  
Seto: -barfs in the corner- Just get the other order...no chicken.  
  
Chef: Hai, chotto matte, kudasai!  
  
Seto: -sweatdrops-  
  
---  
  
(Back at Padme-chan's residence)  
  
Seto: -trudges in carrying a bucket-load of sushi and a box of KFC.  
  
Padme-chan: Kentucky Fried Chiiiicken! =o  
  
Seto: Your sushi, koibito. -hands sushi to Padme-chan-  
  
Padme-chan: No sushi! KFC! -tackle-  
  
Yami no Bakura: x.x  
  
Haku: -wakes up- Was my yami being a dreadful nuisance again?  
  
Yami no Bakura: You betcha he was. e.e  
  
Seto: Padme-koi, are you telling me you want my KFC, and I have to eat...- shudder-...fish?  
  
Padme-chan: Greeease and salt, grease and salt...-glomps chicken-  
  
Seto: -runs off crying- Chicken...no fish! Fish bad!  
  
Anakin: I'll have some...sushimawhatsit.  
  
Kai: -is high on coffee again- Now little kiddies, eat up your lunchies! And play nice with other kids! =D  
  
-------  
  
Will Kai ever get off his coffee high? Will Seto actually get a lunch? Has Anakin yet realised his allergies to seafood? o.o Coming in the conclusion to War of the Trench-coats. 


End file.
